“Now I saw heaven opened, and behold, a white horse. And He who sat on him was called Faithful and True…” Revelation 19:11
Jesus – Faithful and True. It’s who He is, how He acts; it’s His name. I’ve recently been clinging to this title. When you go through times of shaking, sometimes the only thing you can do is declare in faith that Jesus is Faithful and True. He sees me, He knows me, and He leads me perfectly (Ps. 23, Ps. 139). He’s faithful to me, He’ll never leave me, He knows what’s best for me and what the best timing is, and I can trust in Him because He is Faithful and True. Even in the midst of confusion, in times where it seems like nothing makes sense, when you have no idea who you are or what you are doing, when you ask for direction but are met with silence, He is Faithful and True. It’s who He is. He can’t stop being faithful and true because He is Faithful and True and He can’t just stop being Him (Hebrews 13:8)!
If you read my last blog, you might recall me talking about the difficult, pressing time I went through about a month ago. For a time I wasn’t sure who I was, why I was where I am, what I was going to be doing in the near future and even years from now, and even some other stuff that I don’t want to get into here. I was crying out in pain and confusion, constantly asking the Lord to speak to me, to tell me once more who I am, to remind me of what He has called me to in this time and for the rest of my life, to bring clarity to all of the confusion, and heal the brokenness within my heart. And I got nothing. Literally. I had told a few close friends what I was going through for the most part, but even after that, there were a few things that were just too deep and vulnerable for me to share with others. There were a few days that were especially difficult, and I just journaled about it all and internally processed it with the Lord. It was in those few days that I hit the lowest place. I was full of the craziest emotions I’ve ever experienced. I felt so heavy, like there was a weight upon me and I just didn’t know how to handle it. With everything within me I wanted to just bawl – to let it all out even if it meant hours of crying with snot dripping down my face. I just needed to release the emotions I was feeling, but I couldn’t. I felt like all I needed and wanted to do was cry, I had friends tell me I needed to just let go and cry, but I just couldn’t do it. There were no tears to cry. It was really frustrating.
So I decided to go into a practice room at FMA, sit down in front of a keyboard and write a song as a release. Now, if you know me, you know that the fact that I wanted to write a song on piano as a release just shows that I was in a weird place. I’m a guitar player, and I’m definitely not comfortable writing songs on keys! But I did. A dear friend of mine saw me and came and prayed that the Lord would give me the words to sing to release what was bottled up inside of me with clarity. And an hour later, I walked out of that practice room to head to class singing a song that perfectly expressed my emotions while declaring the faithfulness and trustworthiness of the Lord. That song became my lifeline for the next week or so. I would sing it every day – confessing how I felt and declaring that even in the midst of the struggle that I could still trust in the Lord and that I would choose to. I noticed that as I began confessing with my mouth that I still believed, it changed my heart. Faith increased, fear and confusion didn’t seem as overwhelming anymore. Even though I still didn’t have all the answers and felt like I was walking blindly, I had a peace and confidence within me that kept me steady. It was a Hebrews 11:1 reality.
Now, a few weeks later, breakthrough has come! Through a Scripture, word of knowledge, or just a random encouragement from a friend here and there, the Lord broke through the silence. I am now walking in joy and happiness, fully content with who I am, where I am, where I may or may not end up in the future. He spoke identity into me once again. He proved Himself faithful to me. As I trusted Him and confessed who He is and asked Him to reveal Himself to me in that way during that season, He did just that. He has proven Himself Faithful and True to me, and therefore I will forever sing of His faithfulness to me. I cannot keep myself from praising Him and exalting His name.
Jesus is Faithful and True! In the midst of instability, He always remains the same. He never changes. He has always been Faithful and True and will always be Faithful and True. It’s who He is, and we can trust in Him.